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Tapin' Up My Heart
You're probably wondering why I've called you here
I think the time has come to make it clear
my heart can't make our love bloom and grow
while you're kicking it to and fro
accusing it of things it never said
or stepping on it like a cigarette
how can I be the answer to your prayers
if I'm always making minor repairs?
I've been doing most of those things I'm supposed to,
you've been tearing me apart
and I can't compete with you
you keep doing what you do
and I'll keep tapin' up my heart.
What we have is difficult to explain
it's equal parts of boredom joy and pain
it's delicate like an angel's wings
based on trust and a couple of other things
my heart is young and black and proud and bold
you better eat it before it gets cold
one more thing I can't overemphasize:
it's not to be used as a flotation device.
I've been doing some of those things you make fun of
you've been laughing way too hard
I'll salute your lofty goals
while you poke me full of holes
but I'll keep tapin' up my heart.
I'm not what I used to be mostly cause I refuse to be.
I'm the new kid on the the chopping block
so take a little bit off the top
there's really nothing you can throw my way
that I can't ignore and hope it goes away.
I know I've done a few of those bad things
in lieu of those good things that I should start
but we need something to do and it might as well be you
so I'll keep tapin' up my heart.
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My Stupid Life
I've been doing nothing in particular
I've been figuring out what I was gonna do
now somehow the time has gone by
and I didn't do the things that I wanted to
looking back it seems like I should have known
walking down and up and down the avenue
wasn't such a smart way to go
but it's all I knew how to do
and you're gonna say isn't it okay
cause you kept on trying and I'm gonna lie
and explain how I've been a value giant
or I don't care like Pierre waiting for the lion
to eat me up
while I think about my stupid life.
I've been told I spend too much time alone
and asked why I never take this jacket
off I'm either caught in the headlights
or running around like a chicken with its head cut off
I recall I once heard a story
it might be apocryphal but anyway
there's this guy who got so bored
that he chopped off his own head
well I won't do that
but it seems like at some point something should happen
there's got to be some sort of redemption
or at least some French in Action
but there's nothing yet
and I can't get no disaffection
not even that
so let me tell you about my stupid life.
Whoa. My stupid life.
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How'd the Date End?
Verse in italics isn't in some versions
I picked her up at the specified time.
I was dressed to the nines,
and she looked so blind,
in a pink sequin dress,
just a bit too tight,
and I was thinking this could be the night.
At the restaurant things were in full bloom.
She said she had to visit the ladies room.
It may have been just a visit,
but I guess along the way,
she decided that she'd extend her stay.
Did she ever come back?
No she never came back.
and the waiter was laughing as I paid the check.
We were going to go to the discotech.
(Actually at that point, that whole discotech idea,
was pretty much off).
On my way out, though, I chanced to see,
a girl at the bar making eyes at me.
So I said to myself, so this could be good.
We'll exchange smiles, phone numbers, and maybe even fluids.
So I bought her a drink, and I bought her two more,
and I asked her for her number as she walked out her door.
She said, "555-5555 and I live at number 55 drive."
Was it really her number?
No, it really was not,
and a ... is all I got,
when I tried to call it later on.
How'd the date end? Badly.
How'd the date end? Sadly.
It was not a love connection, nosiree.
How'd the date end? Terrible.
How'd the date end? Unbearable.
But that's not all, Chuck, as you will see.
I stumbled around 'til I found another bar,
which was good because I couldn't find my car.
I ordered a scotch and I drank it down,
and I did this several times 'til I lost count.
They picked me up where I'd fallen down.
I was read my rights and brought downtown.
I can't remember very much,
but I think it's safe to say that this date sucked.
How'd the date end? Terrible.
How'd the date end? Unbearable.
It was the worst thing that you ever saw.
How'd the date end? Horrible.
How'd the date end? Deplorable.
And now I've got a headache the size of Arkansas.
So Chuck, I don't care who the audience picked,
I'd rather be killed with a big sharp stick.
I'll stay on my own, it's my natural state,
whether or not I have a date
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