Our Mr. T Experience
From Sploosh Zine, May 1998
On Saturday, May 9th, Mik and I went to Coney Island High in NYC, to see the famed Mr. T Experience. We were quite hyped for this show because we were on the guest list. Let me say that one more time to let it sink in: we were on the motherfucking guest list for The Mr. T Experience! When we arrived we used our superpowers (guest list) and went backstage (which is really downstairs in the Porno Lounge, not backstage) to hang with the bands.
We began our interview with Joel and Dr. Frank of MTX while the Heartdrops were playing upstairs. About halfway through the interview I realized my tape recorder was busted and wasn't working. FUCK! I was as pissed as if all Hell had broken lose and sentenced the world to a morbid existance of watching Hanson play live for eternity. Just before I was about to explode from the frustration of not being able to do the interview, a girl who was interviewing them for her own zine saved the day. She let us use her tape recorder. (We love you, Julie!)
In the process of getting Julie's tape player, Joel left, so we did the interview with just Dr. Frank. Then after we finished the interview, we found Joel again, and interviewed him after. That is why this interview looks like a pile of dog shit on a rainy day. Anyway, without any further ado, I bring you the interview.
This interview took place on May 9, in the Porno Lounge at Coney Island High, in New York. Since Mik and I did this interview together and it was so long ago, I don't remember which one of us said what, so "Sploosh" is either one of us. The Dr. Frank part comes first.
Sploosh: How long have you guys been together?
Dr. Frank: twelve years
Sploosh: Where are you guys from originally?
Dr. Frank: California
Sploosh: Have there been any other members, or is this the original group?
Dr. Frank: This is the third lineup. There have been seven members total, of which we are three. It was a four-piece originally. In 1992 the other guitar player quit, making us a three-piece. Then the bass player and drummer were replaced by the current bass player and drummer.
Sploosh: When was that?
Dr. Frank: That was 1994-95
Sploosh: Which group do you think sounds the best?
Dr. Frank: This one is definitely the most together.
Sploosh: What are some of your influences?
Dr. Frank: Everything. The negative influences are probably more important than the positive ones. The things that I really hate are those that make me say, "I'm never going to do that." Everything influences me, and right now my biggest influence is this, unfortunately it's Heiniken. Here you go, you can hold up a bottle of Heiniken to describe my main influence right now.
Sploosh: Any bands that influenced you a lot?
Dr. Frank: Yeah, the Buzzcocks influenced me a lot.
Sploosh: How many albums have you guys put out?
Dr. Frank: Eight albums so far.
Sploosh: Do you have a favorite?
Dr. Frank: They are all like my special, retarded children. I love them all equally. I don't want to play favorites because I hurt their feelings. You know, I see other kids making fun of them. I feel bad about it and I tell them that I'll rip their fucking heads off if they ever say anything like taht again, because, you know, they're sensitive.
Sploosh: When you were young did you always want to be in a band?
Dr. Frank: No. I fantasized about being a rock and roll star, but I never thought it was something that people like us do. There's like rock star type people and then there's people like us who just pretend to be rock stars in our living rooms and bedrooms. I mean, I never took it seriously being in a rock and roll band.
Sploosh: What are the future plans for you guys?
Dr. Frank: Well, I'm working on a solo album now, it should be out by the end of the summer. Then we'll do another MTX record followed by more touring, same as this. We're going to keep doing the same exact thing until we crash and burn.
Sploosh: What do you think about playing in New York?
Dr. Frank: It's fine, but back home we have maybe bigger shows. This is a good show, but our last few shows in Connecticut really were bad. So it's nice to be in a place where people actually show up.
Sploosh: Thursday night you played in Pennsylvania and one of our local bands, Humble Beginnings opened for you. What did you think of them?
Dr. Frank: They were cool, a young band. They should definitely stick with it.
Sploosh: What labels were you guys on before Lookout?
Dr. Frank: Our first record was on our own label, called Disorder Records and we have two records out on Rough Trade U.S.
Sploosh: How did they compare?
Dr. Frank: On our own label we paid for the privilege of having hundreds of unsold records in my closet for years and years and years. With Rough Trade, we paid for the privilege of having hundreds of unsold records in their closet. Now we're on Lookout Records, and for many years we haven't had to pay for it anymore, but the constant theme of hundreds of unsold records in somebody's closet is still operative. Now they've been able to sell some of those records in the closet. It's all the same thing, you're making a commercial product, but it's not very commercial. The people who buy it are maybe a little strange or are buying it to sort-of prove their individuality or something like that. It's a bizarre thing being in a band in that position. With Lookout it's pretty good because they don't expect too much from us and we don't expect too much from them, so it works. It's a good reciprocal relationship.
Sploosh: What exactly was your experience with Mr. T?
Dr. Frank: I never really had an experience with Mr. T, but I'm sure he would win in a fight. I couldn't fight my way out of a paper bag.
Sploosh: Who would win in a fight, Tony the Tiger or the Trix Rabbit?
Dr. Frank: The tiger beats the rabbit every time.
Sploosh: Would you rather remove a thirty-foot tape worm from a rhinoceros or be ejaculated on by Snufalufagus?
Dr. Frank: Well, the contingency is a remote one. I don't imagine I am ever going to be in a position where I have to make that decision, but if I were, I hope that I would act in accordance with my principles.
Sploosh: Which would be?
Dr. Frank: (laughs) Watch a lot of television and try not to harm anyone else, if I can avoid it.
Sploosh: Who do you think would be better in bed, Jessica Rabbit or She-ra from He-Man?
Dr. Frank: You know what? I can't really picture She-Ra from He-Man. But neither one of those girls are really my type.
Sploosh: You don't go for the cartoons?!?!
Dr. Frank: Right. I don't go for cartoon women, really. I like the little sort-of sad ones that are like in a corner weeping about something, and they won't tell you what's wrong and you have to sort-of protect them and try to talk them into telling you what's wrong. The bombshell type, they just chew me up and spit me out. I like the ones who are a little insecure, or else I'm out of my league.
Sploosh: Would you rather win a million dollars but be forced to permanently remove all your body hair, or watch the Coyote finally catch the Roadrunner but have the voice of Gilbert Godfried?
Dr. Frank: Actually, I don't think the voice of Gilbert Godfried is that bad, but shaving all the hair off your body, have you ever tried that? It's not that bad. It's actually kind-of cool. I think they're about even.
Sploosh: In your opinion, what is the meaning of life?
Dr. Frank: Life is some cereal that is supposed to be good for you.
Sploosh: Any final words of wisdom?
Dr. Frank: Love is like oxygen, you get too much, you get too high, not enough and you're going to die. Love gets you high.
(A brief commercial break followed by the entrance of Joel)
Sploosh: What were some of your influences?
Joel: Well, actually, I was a big fan of the band before I joined it. In fact, the first punk band I ever heard was the Mr. T Experience, and the first punk rock show I ever attended was the Mr. T Experience. I used to sing along in my room and play along with their records, so honestly, I would have to say that Dr. Frank has influenced me. I was sort-of lucky because it was like I had been training for this position. It's like I was bred for this position.
Sploosh: What exactly was your experience with Mr. T?
Joel: I haven't had any, personally. I'm sort-of hoping to avoid it, since he seems kind-of a scary guy. Although, I understand that he is under the weather, and I'm pulling for him.
Sploosh: Who would win in a fight, Tony the Tiger or the Trix Rabbit?
Joel: The Trix Rabbit seems kind of inept and bumbling, and Tony the Tiger is the athletic type so... I mean, in reality a jungle cat versus a domesticated bunny. One of them would be in for a rough time and I don't think it would be Tony there.
Sploosh: Would you rather remove a thirty-foot tape worm from a rhinoceros or be ejaculated on by Snufalufagus?
Joel: I don't think I have to answer that.
Sploosh: Well, if you had to pick one...
Joel: Luckilly for both of us, I don't. (Uh oh! After that and a few dirty looks, we decided not to pursue this question any further.)
Sploosh: Who do you think would be better in bed, Jessica Rabbit or She-ra from He-Man?
Joel: Jessica Rabbit. She was drawn for it! Well, at least, that's what she said.
Sploosh: Would you rather win a million dollars but be forced to permanently remove all your body hair, or watch the Coyote finally catch the Roadrunner but have the voice of Gilbert Godfried?
Joel: There is no way in hell I'd wanna speak like Gilbert Godfried. He's one of my least favorite people in the world.
Sploosh: But the fun of watching the Coyote finally catching the Roadrunner...
Joel: Well, I mean, I'd definitely like that, but it's a horrible price. Did Frank answer these?
Sploosh: Yeah, he gave intellectual answers... In your opinion, what is the meaning of life?
Joel: It's probably to make a lot of money and meet a lot of chicks
Sploosh: Sounds good to me.
Joel: I defy someone to come up with something better than that.
Sploosh: Any last words of wisdom?
Joel: Did Frank do the "Love is like oxygen..." speech?
Sploosh: Yes... That wasn't an original quote?
Joel: (sympathetically) No. No, sorry it's not! My advice is to stay out of the rain. Know enough to come out of the rain.
(Jym enters chomping on a Subway sandwich)
Sploosh: Jym, any last words of wisdom?
Jym: Eat Subway.